hazie at wettyblanket.blogspot.com

i'm writing again.

got bored, blog/lj-surfed.

why am i so different? hmm.
i'm not interested in brands. i don't own a LV. don't even have Guess. i don't buy from MAC. the most expensive thing i have now is probably my perfume/wallet/bag -- all of which i did not pay a cent for.

i don't club. i don't dine at expensive restaurants (wait, i do, but not regularly).

i don't shop online. i don't shop at topshop, warehouse, dp, or wherever the latest trends are sold -- see, i don't even keep up.

i don't go running back to the hairdresser's when my roots start to grow out. i've stopped highlighting my hair because it will pull on my purse strings. i've never done a pedicure. i've only had a manicure twice - no french, too ex.

i've never had a brazilian waxing. never even tried leg waxing. don't go for eyebrow tweezing anymore - i do threading; it's cheaper.

i seem to be the last one to learn driving. funny, i have the books but i aint got the lessons. :(

does it read like i'm lagging behind? why am i different? am i normal? or are those abnormal people? are abnormal people the ones who write openly about their lives, because they have something to write about, something entertaining to other 'normal' people like me.

i like myself. generally. well, not really. i like myself SOMETIMES. things like those i mentioned above don't seem to matter.. not until you think about them.

am i missing out on fun? the thrill of spending crazily, the excitment of knowing the world, having my daily planner filled, my tummy full of expensive food, my body decked in extravagantly priced items?

sigh. my exhibitionist streak has died. i think it died when i started poly. i think this course i'm studying has drained me of all creativity, of my zest for life. i think i am being too sensible, too practical, too realistic. i should go crazy, be idealistic, not realistic, have fun, see the world. ........or should i not? (see? sigh.)

i think my relationship's draining me too. i smile, but not as often as i used to. perhaps the insecurity regarding our future is getting to me. i'm trying to hold on but it's so hard; i have nothing else to run to if i let go of this anyways.

i think my diploma's a dead end - there is no way i can do food science in uni. funny, now that uni seems like a reality.. i dunno what i wanna do. results are not everything, they just give you a headstart..




so much to think about. i've closed so many doors to leave just one door open; stayed in a room without much happiness. i want the house, i want a mansion, i want to see the garden in full bloom.

posted by hazie @ 6:39:00 pm