hazie at wettyblanket.blogspot.com

Resurfacing

2008-02-23T01:06:00.005+08:00

2007-08-02T20:49:00.000+08:00

very irritated with myself.. :(

not too happy w my current job but trying my best to enjoy it. (:
haiiii. day 2. alr i feel a bit sian. lol.

i know what i need to do but can't bring myself to do it...sian.

gotta finish all my training materials by tonite.. :( plus creating the damn test papers.
also tmr gotta check all e darn temperatures on both floors..
better brush up on my mandarin sia...

hmm..

ming tian wo xu yao ce liang mei yi ge bing xiang de wen du.

correct? blah. or isit..

wo xu yao zai ming tian ce liang mei yi ge bing xiang de wen du.

shld i use 'ge'? or isit 'zuo'? or hv i gotten it totally wrong? hai. :(

fuck sia. dunno how to communicate with all those china ppl...

siannnn...

2007-07-25T17:22:00.000+08:00

i am so tired.

from doing things i have no interest in.

it is very tiring to have to clear up other peoples' messes.

in 45 mins i have to go sign my new employment letter...

anw i am so so so so so sleepy. and grumpy.

because about an hour ago the stupid helpline 'gahpp' my phone. 3 times!

and it takes like, 45mins to get thru.

which makes me so so so angry. but now that i cool down le, i am only feeling grumpy because it means that tomorrow i have to call them again.

that's all i ever do. call call call, ask ask ask, argue argue argue.

this is a job for people who like to command, not me.

2007-07-24T16:16:00.000+08:00

ranting again.

the longer i work in the company (i'm only talking hours here), the more angry a person i feel i become.

let's listen to my long story...

G is an above 50 yr old person who is very irritating, and does not have much EQ when he is worked up. He is my boss' subordinate, obviously.

Today G asked me to call up GTI to ask 2 questions - over the phone, he is the kind who don't let you talk AT ALL. just prattle on and on about his own thing, even if he hears you have a question. So i hv learnt to raise my voice at him. he is the only one i do that to, because i am of the opinion that if a person does not treat u with respect, he does not deserve respect and should not be treated with anymore respect than he has shown you.

so, this dumb G never tell me it is urgent. hence, i do all the other urgent things first, then go for lunch. abt 4 hours later, i tell him i face the same problem as he does - i cannot get through to GTI. he tells me to ask other people. which is like, so inconsiderate because everyone else is really busy! so i sms him back to tell him: K is very busy right now, i cant ask her. F is out of office, so i will ask him tmr. Its not urgent, is it?

and guess what the reply is?

"hav 2 answer cliemt@5pm.simple questions only 2 wait one day?!"

that made me damn angry. from past experience, iknow if i dun take action, G will call my boss and say i never do anything. -roll eyes- of course i never do anything... YET!!! where got time for the not urgent & important things right?

so i call GTI to ask his stupid 2 questions, and the lady asks me "did u fax in just now? someone named G faxed in but i can't understand any of his questions!"

(at this, i really pity G. he is always faxing us things that nobody understands and can interpret.)

so i ask the 2 'simple' questions, and then call G back. when he picked up the phone, i rushed into, "NEXT TIME IF ITS SOMETHING URGENT U HAVE TO TELL ME OR ELSE I CANNOT PRIORITIZE AND YOU WONT GET YOUR ANSWER." and he just 'mm.' at me.

idiot!

then he ask me to call again to ask more stupid questions - to which all the answers are inside the form that i he holds.

o.O

then when i call him again to tell him all the OBVIOUS answers, he kps quiet, so being the courteous me (i forgot to be horrid for a moment), i said "u know? ok?".. then he just mm and before i can say bye he just puts down the phone.

i should have expected it - he always dont say hello or bye bye one... but i still feel affected by it. so super annoying!!!

i really hate him. when he want u to do something he know nothing about (like setting up of a laptop), he ask nice nice. when its something he know more than u, he wont take the time to explain, wont be nice. on top of that still will report u if u never do/duno how to do...

sometimes even take the words u tell him and then twist them so they sound the same but mean entirely different things!

i can't wait for it to end.. can't wait can't wait.

i dun like my boss, or his subordinates. :(

2007-07-24T11:36:00.000+08:00

i'm so glad that i'm leaving my current job.. even though it's been only slightly more than a month. i hate the environment and my boss. and his subordinates.

i do like the location of the office though - extremely convenient.

new job not so convenient.. but at least one straight bus ride. shouldnt be more than 1 hour ride i hope.

sian. i hate the people here.

i can see the girl furthest away from me - i dunno why nowadays i dislike her more and more. actually, i think i do know why. she isn't the nicest person on earth and def. doesn't try to be!!!!

sigh.

one nice person, one nice but lame person, one nice but snobbish person, one flirt and meanie, one even more flirt, one theif but think i dunno he is a theif.

stupid.

WHO WOULD STEAL OTHER PEOPLE PHOTOCOPIER PAPER RIGHT.

wah lao. that is the ultimate lowness.

paper leh!! oso wan to steal. esp when ur boss is earning millions of dollars a year! is there a need to steal FOR HIM a stack of paper worth $5 .. from ME?

- roll eye -

somemore on the surface u look so quiet, so gentle.. for a guy. -roll eye-

buay tahan!!!

counting down to 31st july. can't wait.

2007-06-27T21:25:00.000+08:00

tmr will be my fourth day of work - already there is so much to do.

i never have time to chat on msn or blog or surf like some of them..

i didnt think i'd be doing what i am doing now.. but somehow i enjoy it.

WHERE IS MY FOOD SCIENCE RELATED JOB!

Temasek Applied Science School - SIFST Biennial Student Symposium (2007)

2007-06-17T20:41:00.000+08:00

Look what i found on TP web!

SIFST Biennial Student Symposium (2007)

A student team from FSN clinched the top prize in the diploma category at the recent Singapore Institute of Food Science & Technology Biennial Student Symposium (2007).

The team comprised Goh Siew Koon, Chan Bao Fang Mitchelle and Hazel Ratcliffe. Hazel presented the project on Ice Popsicles with Fruit/Vegetable Juices/Extracts on behalf of the team and will attend the 10^th ASEAN Food Conference in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, from 21 to 23 September 2007. The trip will be fully sponsored.

well.. i'm not extremely glad it's announced.. i wish it weren't.. but i am glad that there is a picture.. because i dont have any pics of the event! :(

too bad it's quite small.. at least i don't look too obese (but fat, yes. still in it.

well, not until u compare how tiny koonie looks beside me. lol.

whatever!

2007-06-15T01:14:00.000+08:00

by the end of next week, i want to have done three things i have not done before!

i've already done something i've not done before - not sure if it'd work, but hell yea i feel good.

i have two more things in mind... just need time to think em over.

things will go my wayyyyy.. i hope.

2007-06-10T23:01:00.000+08:00

i never want to forget

white oleander. hoping for hope. where the heart is. deep end of the ocean.

i want to forget

what you are doing now. what you are going to do. and what i was going to do tomorrow.

tired of life, and of living.

2007-05-15T17:17:00.000+08:00

i found a kindred soul in Lily Allen.

hope is diminishing day by day.

have you ever gotten yourself into something and thoroughly enjoyed the process, but hated the people you had to put up with during it? i am going through one of these processes and as much as i enjoy it, i don't like some of the people involved and i want to leave! but i don't know how. because i feel some form of responsibility. i offered to be responsible, and i should be responsible. but nobody seems to care so why should i still feel responsible? why's it in my nature? i should listen to her.

i am dreading the day when i have to face reality that i was living in some sort of (what i thought was an) impenetrable bubble. i already know it.. just waiting for this bubble to burst. in the past few months, i've learnt things which have made me regret so many of my actions in the past three years.... REALLY. i'm quite daft. i know what i'm doing isn't what i should do but i still do it anyway.

i think i'm too timid. not assertive enough. a pushover. boring. wallflower-type person. sometimes i envy you for being all that i am not -- but then again, it's pitiful how you get along with the entire world but behind your back people don't quite like you at all. sigh.

wish i could find a way to make u understand. -shrug-

working sucks. when u see people u know and u gotta serve them.
it sucks to serve juniors in dressy duds who pay with credit cards. it makes me feel lousy. :(
blahhhhhhhhhh. :( :(

2007-05-07T11:38:00.000+08:00

Top Reasons Dogs Can't Use Computers

15. TrO{gO HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. ("Too hard to type with paws!")
14. Distracted by cats chasing the mouse.
13. SIT and STAY were hard enough; DELETE and SAVE are out of the question!
12. Saliva coated floppy disks refuse to work.
11. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
10. Still trying to come up with an emoticon that signifies tail wagging.
9. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
8. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that virtual Frisbee.
7. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
6. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
5. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear, "You've Got Mail."
4. Too difficult to "mark" every web site they visit.
3. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
2. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
1. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '98.

Dragostea din tei

2007-05-05T13:52:00.000+08:00

i'm listening to dragostea din tei. can you believe that!?

i used to hate the song.. but ever since i understood what it really meant i guess i find it a bit funny and corny and ultimately slightly sweet at the same time..

and lately i really enjoy listening to it!

:P:P

maraschino cherries

2007-04-27T00:36:00.000+08:00

i. love. maraschino cherries.

...so it bugs me when customers leave theirs lying on their plates after polishing off the last bits of their sundaes and mudpies.

hrrrmmm..

sometimes i am so tempted to sneak those in my mouth -- but ewww, the thought of them coming close to a strange mouth disgusts me.

...sooo, i'll just wait for my boyfriend to buy me a jar of those lovely red juicy sweeets. YESSS, dear?

2007-04-24T14:46:00.000+08:00

i typed a longggg post. but deleted it all.
....at this point in time, i'm just really disappointed by everything.

aii. anyway, if any muslim WOMEN who still wear tudungs read my post, check out artizara.com.

i think this place has pretty nice clothes for the elegant (and mature) muslim lady.

i would love to own their farah lacy shirtdress. but well.. dont have the figure to carry that one off.

whatever.

2007-04-20T22:08:00.000+08:00

so we won.

...even though i dont feel i was much of a presenter, or that our project was fabulous. i think the competition pretty much sucked. i felt Anges should have gotten at least runner-up position - but you know, the judges might have had to do something 'politically correct'.. so SP was the runner-up.

it does sound nice though, TP beats SP, like.. finally.

somehow i don't feel anything. pretty empty inside.

maybe i've too much on my plate now that's making me upset.. i should have done something that i didn't do and now it's too late. full of regrets. argh.

and then there's the other thing.

aii. i just want to thank koonie for whatever help she's pvded prior to the presentation. and i'm really thankful to the lecturers.. even mrs tay (of course mrs tay!) for helping us prepare for the damn competition.

aii.. one thing funny tho.. i have no idea what my prize is.

2007-04-18T22:41:00.000+08:00

i feel like hiding under my bed and not coming out till after graduation ceremony.

i dread the competition on friday.

and i feel upset about my results. and what ms mah said.

the feeling of not trying hard enough, knowing that if you had tried a bit harder in the beginning, things would be nicer now.

why was i so stupid in 1.1? why did he distract me so much then? why did i play so much?

how come my grades were so lousy then, and how come they improved tremendously in 1.2?

i didnt change studying habits or anything.

arghhhh. so close, but now so so so far from it.

ya, i harbour a lot of self-hatred. and now, even more hatred for TP. this stupid school with stupid rules. they dont even follow so many rules they implement. argh. phuckkk.

i need some retreat. one of those lonely mountain retreats where people connect with their spirituality and with nature. where there are no processed foods.

arghhhhh. :( phuck.

2007-03-31T00:13:00.000+08:00

at this pt in time i'm really quite an unhappy girl. :(

nothing has been going too well. i think.
well.. actually things have been going okay.
but okay only. nothing more.

there's this manager at work. says stupid things. no wonder still single. i don't like him very much.

then there are people at work who gang up against another staff member. which i think is horrid. because they are not exactly very nice people themselves.

so this time i just keep quiet and try not to get involved because lately i've been feeling tired. like more withdrawn.

don't wanna have to smile when i don't want to.

don't wanna have to cover up for the kitchen when they forget to prepare orders.

KNS.

i'm just glad i've got you.

Google

2007-03-28T09:18:00.000+08:00

know how some people say they always put others before their selves, that sometimes they forget to think about themselves?

in some peoples case.. js a blatant lie n load of bullshit.

i think u are an extremely selfish person and probably u were trying to conceal it but it's damn obvious la. i think i know what u meant by putting others before yourself. u meant u were scared other people dont like you, or your actions.. so u have to put them before you.. because you are just sooo desperate to please them.

ya, that's what you are. desperate. and bitter now, because you didn't get what you obviously wanted.

-shrug-

i think sometimes god sees the evil in people and takes action on them.

2007-03-28T00:18:00.000+08:00

i am soooo sleepy. this thing is driving me nuts. i just wanna sleep.

i'm not done with the slides. how can i start preparing for the presentation?

wonder what questions they'll shoot man.

if it's gonna be like progress interview and project show.. i'm doomed.

sighhh.

honestly there are lots of things in our project that we did which i don't understand the purpose of. (what an awkward sentence. whateverrr.)

convincing others start with first being convinced yourself, no?

:( why i so suay...

maybe i should go eat a popsicle (PUUIII.)

Microsoft Outlook Web Access

2007-03-27T22:19:00.000+08:00

i was going to spend this lovely night reading some books i borrowed on how to ice cakes properly.

unfortunately, ms mah just sent her review on my slides.. there is a lot to edit. i'm at fault, it's a really lousy presentation.. a few hours of crapping.. ya..

so i don't have time to read those pretty books. :(

i'm going to spend tonight editting those slides. hopefully perfecting them.

i feel really alone in this mess.

2007-03-27T00:33:00.000+08:00

my poor kitty has stitches. in purple thread! sigh. first jaundice that accompanied liver problems.. now external wounds that stemmed from we dunno where. when will it end. sigh.

hmm. i'm going to try to make cupcakes again soon. and i want to decorate them. i MUST try to decorate them. (: one of these days (REAL SOON!) i have to go down to phoonhuat. get some icing nozzles. and baking paper. and cupcake cups. and colouring.. what else did i miss? i must do this. (: must, must, must! but first i gotta get the cupcake recipe right - i can't remember which one i last used! i've quite a few. :(

damn this sifst and mp thing. screwing with my activities.

2007-03-24T21:48:00.000+08:00

i was js looking at my major project notebook. each of my grpmates has one where we write our formulations and our results and whatever junk we wanna write in it in the process of the module..

and guess what? i only have 5 pages left of my x-men notebook!

this is the second time in my life i have come close to finishing a notebook. i think i will finish the 5 pages within the next few weeks when i go back to continue with product development with the girls.

hiaks. i'm worried about the SIFST presentation. i dont know if i can do a good enough job. i know, from looking at our project.. it's not the winning league kinda project. miraculously it was accepted.. but then, our slides are not even done up yet. and i can't take off days as and when i want to.. sometimes after work you are so physically exhausted.. such that even if u are not mentally exhausted, u dont wanna do anything other than mope around or just go to sleep.

i'm working the lunch and tea time shift tmr. i hope there'll be a steady stream of people.. i hate standing around and not having anything to do, esp when u cant sit down..

2007-03-21T01:05:00.000+08:00

i'm tired. mp is making me woozy. emails make me woozy. its so hard to concentrate on understanding an email when you are sooo tired.. and u know u gotta wake early...

... and i've been thinking.. about it. how do i get it back on track? sigh. i cant devote myself to many things now.. or else i'd be spreading myself too thin..

right now the only things that are calming are few. for one, the smell of freshly-fallen rain is glorious. i'm loving the red sky. big change from the blackberry nights of the past few weeks.. and secondly.. the bottle of milk tea i have in front of me is keeping me sane.. sigh.

i wish there were 48 hours in a day. i wish i had more energy. i wish i could stop yawning.

and i wish i hadnt rush to finish reading that book - i wouldnt be this tired then.

2007-03-16T09:44:00.000+08:00

if you ever have the intention of moving, don't move to tampines.

sure, this place is very convenient. buses to almost anywhere (except clarke quay. ya.) and central got almost everything you need.

however, the people here are either rude, inconsiderate, weird, or perverted, or cheap. (and because they are, you react to it, and you yourself become one of these people. it's a lousy cycle.)

so anyways, like i mentioned earlier, i was up late and i slept at 3 plus. but i was already away by 8 something am.. because my neighbour keeps banging and hammering.

sooo indecent rite. who bangs at this hour. everyday also got something to hammer one. dunno isit his house in ramshackles and he got no money den have to do himself or smth.

its sooo irritating! cant sleep, cant hear the tv, cant concentrate! the hammering causes vibrations to my bones even - and i'm so fat and padded already. imagine.

anw this particular hse i'm living in is really bad. i'm on the ground floor. there are 4 storeys only. and know what? the 2nd floor has a problem with hammering in the early mornings. the 3rd floor likes a to smoke a lot so all the ashes fall from his window, into mine.. and it stinks. then the 4th floor blasts his (VERY LOUSY) music and attempts to sing.

mit mentioned tt R* had very very bad vocal ability. flat and all. that's like my neighbour. the first time, my aunt came from the back door, then she asked 'who is that singing?' i told her i'm alone at home, so must be the neighbour.. u can hear it from behind my house and inside my room and my toilet. and then she gave me a disgusted look. haha. so i opened my window.. and wahlaus. awful man.

ai! the hammering has moved. from above my room. to the kitchen toilet. to my window area. damn him.

see, inconsideration and weirdness. not to mentioned the umpteen times i've met up with unsuspecting perverts who try to corner me to get my number. and the dumb minahs who lurk around every nook and cranny wearing close to nothing, trying to attract those stupid mats who think they have fantastic dress sense and music taste. sooo stupid. and cheap.

so yah. see? inconsideration, rudeness, cheapness, perversion oozing out of every crack in every building in tampines.

I HATE LIVING IN TAMPINES!

2007-03-16T00:57:00.000+08:00

meow. gonna be working dinner shift tmr so i'm up late; dunid wake so early tmr.

i've already met up with customers who are total shit heads. haha, yea, following are rantings of a newbie waitress.. so..

executive women are the worst of the bunch. chinese executive men come next. these two groups - most of them have no courtesy whatsoever! sooo snobby, as if their noses are stuffed with money and if they smile all the money will fall out of their nostrils - so better not smile, and keep scrunching their noses as if a foul smell is always lingering around it.

really lor. most of them can't even order properly. you want ziti pasta u say ziti pasta. don't say spaghetti. if you are SOOOO EXECUTIVE and so high class, why are u dining here, and why the hell do u not seem to know the diff between ziti pasta and spaghetti? you dumb cows.

-sigh- i feel better already. (: secondary school kids are the funniest. they all eat baked rice/pasta. they don't really drink anything. no desserts also. then they take damn long to pay bill, cos must count money ma. hahaha.

i love the normal working crowd. they are so funny la. when they see the love potion #23, they'll be like, "WAHHHhhhhh...." then they start to laugh and u find yourself laughing too!

(: overall, i'm happy. pretty nice colleagues. nice superiors. pretty good environment. reasonable pay.. and pretty good working hours. but the menu is tough. i still cant remember everything.

and i cant tell the dishes and drinks apart when i collect them for serving. meow. and towards the end of the shifts, i get hungry when i see the food. haha. thank god got hanrong who understands.

2007-03-14T18:35:00.000+08:00

exam results are out! a day before expected, i think?
i didnt hear the sms come in, so i didnt see it till much later..
anw i somehow feel obliged to blog about this, i dont know why. it's like tradition; i do it every sem.. basically i'm quite surprised and rather pleased with this sem's results. esp with it being the final sem and all. (: managed to bring up my gpa somehow.. even tho i really, really thought i was going to do pretty badly for my Product Development and Marketing.. haha. but i didnt la, miraculously! i also did pretty ok for major proj. (: i've never done this well before. hehe. i should be more happy than this, but today has been a tiring day filled with too many elephanccinos.. so my head is bursting, with exhaustion and excitement. (: (: i hope everyone did as well as they hoped to.

2007-03-08T23:18:00.000+08:00

i have an immense craving for pizza!!!

and not the sh*t pizza hut churns out - i've had it with their scrimping of main ingredients..

they are so generous with their pizza base that my generosity for spending my money there has dissipated!

the other day i dined at sarpino's - at orchard meridian. maybe because i was extremely hungry, or maybe because i was extremely hungry (no your eyes are not screwed), or maybe because the pizza was geniunely glorious (i believe it to be a combination of all three suggestions), the 'zesty italian' pizza we ordered was delizioso!

i'm a sarpino's convert, and a sarpino's die-hard now.

(thumbing my nose) bye bye pizza hut, bye bye!

2007-03-06T00:29:00.000+08:00

p.s. this is my vv fav colour ATM.

haha.

just looking at it brings me peace.

2007-03-06T00:10:00.000+08:00

i'm just looking back on the past three years. and slightly more.

i can't help but regret my actions.
why didn't i play a little more?

why am i so faithful?

i should've forgotten about what wouldn't last, take the path to uncertainy, and be me.

where did i lose myself?

this girl was destined for bigger things, no?
i'm doing worse than i know i should be doing.

why did i confine myself to my small space?

i found myself envying her - the subject of our many conversations.

it was going to be her way... i don't know why i blocked my path. why you blocked my path. why i was so restrained and you didn't cut my reins.

what is love anyways? how is it possible that something so invisible, seen and defined only by its consequences, can cause ruptures through the ground of our lives, like an earthquake going through an unsuspecting village, when we thought our grounds were so unshakable, our minds steadfast?

how did i lose myself?

aii

2007-03-01T13:49:00.000+08:00

so pissed with myself later.

dunno why the fuck i keep hesitating over EVERYTHING.

like a little lost soul i cannot make decisions.

so frustrating.

and since the incident, i've felt increasingly numb.

i do things but i don't feel things.

i hope you are aware things are not fine and dandy as you seem to think they are.

i haven't been myself.

珊瑚海

2007-02-25T21:21:00.000+08:00

海平面远方开始阴霾悲伤要怎么平静纯白
我的脸上始终夹带一抹浅浅的无奈
你用唇语说你要离开 (情不在)
那难过无声慢了下来
汹涌潮水你听明白
不是浪而是泪海

转身离开 (你有话说不出来)
海鸟跟鱼相爱只是一场意外
我们的爱（给的爱）差异一直存在 (回不来)
风中尘埃 (等待) 竟累积成伤害
转身离开分手说不出来
蔚蓝的珊瑚海错过瞬间苍白
当初彼此 (你我都）不够成熟坦白(不应该)
热情不改 (你的) 笑容勉强不来
爱深埋珊瑚海

毁坏的沙碉如何重来有裂痕的爱怎么重盖
只是一切结束太快你说你无法释怀
贝壳里隐藏着什么期待 (等花儿开)
我们也已经无心再猜
面向海风 (面向海风)
咸咸的爱 (咸咸的爱)
尝不出还有未来

转身离开 (你有话说不出来) 分手说不出来
海鸟跟鱼相爱只是一场意外
我们的爱（给的爱）差异一直存在 (回不来)
风中尘埃 (等待) 竟累积成伤害
转身离开分手说不出来
蔚蓝的珊瑚海错过瞬间苍白
当初彼此 (你我都）不够成熟坦白(不应该)
热情不改 (你的) 笑容勉强不来
爱深埋珊瑚海

..

2007-02-22T01:42:00.000+08:00

blah. pdm is boring. sigh.

i have a feeling i'm gg to do badly for pdm again.
i barely passed the first quiz, missed some video quiz, horrid at lab work, mock up not so fantastic also, progress and project interviews quite sucky. lol

basically all these spell doom for me. but what the hell. gonna go out after the quiz and have a blast.

...did u realise tmr is officially the last day of school for pdm+fsm students? sigh. i think i reeli will miss everyone, even the dickheads and bimbos i cant stand.

funny how many friends are made in the very last semester. u want to hold on and not let go. u want to have more fun. but u cant cos u gotta get yr butt out into the real world.

the real world.

oh sigh. i hate that phrase.

im not ready for the real world. please leave me in my bubble.

Gmail - (no subject)

2007-02-21T12:26:00.000+08:00

blah. have to stay home to do fsm report today. siann. esp when the past few days hv been so much fun n my boy's home today. siannnnn. haii. but fsm is still my fav subject this sem.. -shrugs- even tho all the subjects this sem kinda suck...

2007-02-16T21:22:00.000+08:00

meowmeowmeow.

atm i am not doing anything but stoning.
ive been pretty stoned the whole day.

felt like i was about to pass out during FSM quiz.
diediedie. almost died.

couldnt think straight. wanted to lie my head on the table and not wake up. sleepsleepsleep.

aiii. FSM report to do later.
whywhywhy. memememememe.

mee? me.

aiiii.

2007-02-11T22:55:00.000+08:00

(: i <3 saturdays and sundays!

anw, on a happy note as well, friday's food service management lab went well! i didn't hear kchan scream at us. or anyone. many things went wrong, but everything was solved. can't say it was perfect, but it was good, it was beautiful.

everything was done on time. no, before time. (: we seriously underestimated the skill of our wonderful students. lol. and overestimated the complexity of the recipes.

i am sooo happy. i liked the deco (nothing as beautiful as kaisheng's. but it was appropriate.. kinda unique, imo). the food was pretty good, albeit slightly too spicy (thanks to Pasar's extra long red chillies. lol)...

i think kchan was happy. we were praised for being unique, for having a smooth lab, for the food. we got a mini applause. i saw smiley faces. the feedback forms were quite pleasant - i didn't get that upset reading them. lol. one miserable grouch (who wrote in PENCIL. for gawd's sake) gave really poor comments. aiyah, whatever la. that snob is an outlier. and we all know outliers are... IRRELEVANT! wahahha. :P

anw i'm just so delighted la! reeli! reeli D-E-L-I-G-H-T-E-D. the dish i spent ages 'formulating' - kuih pisang.. was a hit. they loved the eating quality and the presentation. yayness!

ahh. somewhat wish i could re-live the final few moments when we were sitting there, as a team.. eating the fruits of our labour. the feeling was amazing la. all the stress gone. the hunger also gone. so at ease, knowing everything went well. i would have like to see the whole setting again. take more pictures. mental and physical. (: (: (:

i'm thankful for my group members. nobody is perfect (i, for one, am not)... but we made it work somehow! special thanks to koonie, and her special one, for making my table settings complete. and extra extra extraaaaa special thanks and a whole truckload full of gratitude for my sweetest one - my pillar of strength and support, who never critisized my ideas but tried to improve them, for giving unconditional help and love. ahhhhh. most of all, i thank god for being surrounded by all these wonderful people! i am such a lucky girl! :P :P :P :P

2007-02-08T07:43:00.000+08:00

oh. god.

i feel like a zombie. soo sleepy.

report still incomplete. deadline 9 hours.

pdm interview at 11.10am. zzz.

how am i going to make it thru today...

FUCK

2007-02-05T20:49:00.000+08:00

i haven't had such a bad day in AGES.

(1) i went to school at 8am to help in the GI test again - i get my fingers pricked ~7 times within 2 hours to investigate GI properties of a particular product. today, the machine was missing. so we waited. and when kalpana came, she told us tt i needn't had come, there was no need to conduct anymore such tests, and she had told them already, so why are they still here. ... wasted time. had to wait till 10am before meeting the girls to do MP.

(2) went to the comp lab to print FSM. (realised its more economical than printing at ultra supplies) put in my thumbdrive/mp3 and realised ALL the folders were gone. sch's antivirus kept popping out saying some trojan infection.. with my folders' names in the dialogue box. fuck. so i tried on another 2 comps.. same, no folders. then i decided to play with the options.. realised my folders still there, but hidden. so everything was.. pretty ok. after much stress.

(3) mit sat beside me, knocked her knee on the corner of my cpu. so i moved the cpu inside a little.. and in result, knocked my thumbdrive (sticking out of cpu front). .....thereafter, thumbdrive cannot be detected anymore...

....
..even now, at home also like that. when i get it to detect my thumbdrive, it doesn't recognize the device. shits.

WHY?!?!?! why suddenly so suay?!?! at this pt of time when my thumbdrive is like super crucial, all the deadlines zooming up (thursday n friday respectively).... fuck man.

so super pissed la. really. argh.

really damn upset. but still acted ok n happy.

argh. dumb cow.

2007-02-04T22:56:00.000+08:00

meowww. wasted weekend.
happy but not thrilled.
looking forward to thursday - handing up of MP and PDM.
it's like clearing everything in a shot.
even though we haven't begun MP report yet - haa!
die.

and then friday, fsm lab.
my group will be the management team. (:
i pray we'll be fine.
i pray it'll be a blast.
i pray we won't be told off too often, if at all.
i pray the food will be good,
the decorations pretty, the music enchanting,
and most of all, the people involved, happy.

till then... (fill in this part yourself).
(:

2007-02-01T21:15:00.000+08:00

WAH. i'm back here to talk negative again.
really. i'm gg to go out of my mind soon.

IF I NEEDED TO COPY AND PASTE SOMETHING, I CAN DO IT MYSELF. I WON'T ASK YOU TO DO IT FOR ME.

that is a very big hint. when will u ever do things sensibly?

help

2007-02-01T00:09:00.000+08:00

everytime i come here i am unhappy! :( boo!

why are you so stupid? you are giving me extra work to do?
i have a life u know, i have other subjects to care about u know?
u are pretty damn free now in comparison la.
please dont be such a nincompoop.

i'm so fed up with you! :(

.........i could be asleep now.

FSM

2007-01-26T19:00:00.000+08:00

what a tiring day! so glad to be home.

had FSM lab today - KaiSheng's group.

that guy has fabulous decoration skills.. everything was sooo gorgeous. he really upped the standard for restaurant decos. my group's up next .. i'm feeling the pressure..

but our themes are entirely different; there is no way my grp deco will be anything like his.. it will be less classy.. but still i have to find a way to make it better. *sigh*

one thing i'm glad of is that he didn't manage to really up the standard of food... the meal was decent la.. nothing fantastic in my opinion.. but the food presentation was pretty gorgeous. anw my grp can't deco our food lidat also la.. cos of our theme.

stress sia. :( still got to think of PDM mock-up and label. and dumb ol' MP.. i'm so sick of it. i hate EVERYTHING about MP. everything, really.

(: i had fun today. gonna have more fun tonight! toodles!

2007-01-25T18:04:00.000+08:00

can't wait for the weekend to arrive. (:
gonna have a blast with my boy (?? man la... quite old alredi.)

sigh. FSM test tmr afternoon after FSM lab.. i might js fall asleep.. surely vv tired.. i have yet to start studying.. i know there's a lot.. but well, i procrastinate.. and yea...

PDM mock up is reeli weighing on my mind.. MP also.. MP is like, not moving at all. and suddenly i get a lot of ppl asking me how's school, how am i coping.. etc..

i want to scream and scream that i picked the wrong proj __ _____. scream and scream that i hate PDM and PDM proj. scream and scream that my FSM lab (where we'll be in managerial positions) clashes with the submission dates of PDM AND MP reports n stuff...

i just want to scream. my bf noticed it.. he's amazing la, he.. he noticed how i've been super blur, careless, and not 'in the zone' lately.. sigh. i also feel i am somewhere else. aiyah. basically i feel like after that fd poisoning episode, followed by the horrendous fever/sorethroat.. then the flu/cough/fever... aii.. i still havent 100% recovered. sick and tired of being sick and tired.

can't wait for tomorrow night. can finally let loose. :(

2007-01-25T17:59:00.003+08:00

HAAAAAAAAA.

2007-01-25T17:59:00.002+08:00

HAAAAAAAAA.

2007-01-25T17:59:00.001+08:00

HAAAAAAAAA.

2007-01-25T17:59:00.000+08:00

HAAAAAAAAA.

2007-01-25T17:48:00.001+08:00

haa.

2007-01-25T17:47:00.001+08:00

haa.

2007-01-25T17:43:00.000+08:00

haa.

2007-01-25T17:38:00.000+08:00

HAAA.

2007-01-25T17:37:00.000+08:00

HAAA.

stark realization

2007-01-22T13:17:00.000+08:00

Ohmy. Just noticed how I always put negative things here and not the positive. Maybe I should add on! :P

I had the absolute bestest weekend! XD XD XD So so so so happy la. Happy until forget all my worries type of happy! But I shan't say more.

Mm. Maybe that's it - I think happiness is special and it becomes far more special when you keep it in your heart, in your mind. You share it only with the one who shared it with you. Yeps. And all the negative feelings are like, commonplace, so yea, doesn't matter if i say it all out.. I don't wanna keep it in anyways. I'd rather say it out and forget it! :P

Small journey to self-realisation at 1:16pm. Hee!

Just a grouchy post

2007-01-22T13:05:00.000+08:00

Feeling a bit grouchy right now. Really. I could use a punching bag.

Decided to take time to do my Food Service Management role-play things in a bit. (: A lot to complete.. we've barely started.

Anw, there's this girl in one of my project groups whom I really, really regret having to work with. Methinks she thinks the whole world loves her. I have had about enough with her, really. I dread having to see her for project work and stuff. I think she uses really underhanded tactics in everything, loves to imitate people, is really sarcastic sometimes, and has this problem with claiming credit - she eats up everything, including what isn't rightfully hers.

I know that sounds kinda harsh.. I really can't help myself. I know now though, that I'm not the only one feeling this way about her.

Mm.. since I'm on the subject of project work.. If ever you are unsure of something, you should ask, no?

Major Project labwork was supposed to officially end last week. Hence it means no more need to go to school to do labwork right? Ya. So I assumed we'd be doing our logsheets individually and compiling them tgt as we had done previously. Meaning.. no more need to go to school to do logsheets right? Ya. So the only need to go to school is for writing the report.. which we can't do, because we haven't done our logsheets. We haven't researched. And M&K have not compiled their bits of the sensory data. Doh.

But somehow Mit & Koon both went to school. i dunno fer what, or what they were thinking! *shrugs* So me, I woke up really late. 11.45am! haha. Well, can't blame me ma, no one arranged anything! :p And I'm feeling a bit fed up somehow. Maybe I am PMS-ing. Well whatever la, Ms Mah gave them work to do. And thank god Koon got dental later.. so she has something to do.

And the problem of our uncompleted logsheets and research is still dangling in the air - Mit says do on Wednesday. But I think I'll just delegate work equally.. Makes more sense that we work at our own pace than to meet at MP time on Wed and end up chatting unnecessarily. Yes? Well, whatever.

Lifehouse - Everything

2007-01-19T18:55:00.000+08:00

find me here
speak to me
i want to feel you
i need to hear you
you are the light
that is leading me
to the place where
i find peace again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life to my soul
you are my purpose
you are everything
and how can i
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
you calm the storms
you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
would you take me deeper now
cause you're all i want
you are all i need
you are everything
everything

internships.

2007-01-17T11:03:00.000+08:00

i haven't blogged in a while, yea? :p

eating a super filling lunch in front of the comp now. my mom cooked. bad timing cos i hafta go KoolWerkz after this to make my popsicles (*scream!*) and this heavy lunch is gonna make me soooo drowzy.

anw, read e blogs of 2 coursemates.. archives actually. it's really shitty when you go for internship interviews.. there's three of you (or more) but only the best one gets in, no?

i'm fortunate to have to feel that way only once.. even then, the disappointment was not that great because i was not exactly interested in the job, and also because throughout my interview i could see my interviewer was biased in her opinions of eurasians (probably one of 'em racist freaks who think chinese ppl rule singapore). i think she thought of me as some empty-headed, bird-brain student. from the moment she asked her first question i knew immediately that the company was not one i would want to work for. even the "prestige" of the company name cannot make up for the bad experience of working there...

(btw, sorry Mit, i used "bird-brain".. lol, i js realised that's like your 'name'..)

(anw damn heng la) i was actually correct abt my impression of the company. because the girl who got in (our top student? i dunno, she's on the director's list.. and as the other blogger said, she is "clever, diligent, and of course... *u*s**") told me about her bad experience working at the company..

and then you know there are some other people who are super poor thing. they don't pick "in-house" as an option for attachment but they still end up doing in-house? esp. if you need to go to KoolWerkz. it's a cool place and all.. i mean, you don't get to manufacture 40L of low-fat frozen dessert anywhere else in Sg as a student (i believe).. but the few things you learn do not compensate for having no $$.. also production time is screwed. you have to spent quite long waiting for certain processes to finish.. and it's quite inaccessible - it's in bedok and bedok is VERY accessible, but somehow only one bus goes there, maybe because it's like a factory area and somewhat on the 'edge' of bedok.. so ya, poor thing, those who have to work at KoolWerkz.

those who had to do in-house in school also damn sucky. i wouldn't like to have to eat school food during holiday period.. limited choices and all. cant rmb if they're paid.. but if they are, the sum wld be minimal. as the other blogger put it.. outside for 3 months you earn 1k plus.. at koolwerkz/inhse u will earn $0. sighhh.

aii. ok i kinda finished my lunch (sooo bloated). aii. u know i hate to eat meals with people who leave a LOT of remainders.. if you genuinely can't finish it because you are sick or something it's fine by me.. but if you pretend you can't finish it because u scared fat or some shit like this then i cannot really tolerate it. i can understand your fat fears but can you understand that there are starving people in various cities across the globe, and even in Sg?

js the other day it was raining buckets and we were trapped for a few hours, taking shelter under a business building in tampines. a scrawny man, clothes all dirty and torn, and skin all sun-burnt and withered and all literally 'scurried' past us.. he stopped in his tracks tho, when he realised there were bits of (trodden and crushed) potato chips on the dirty tiled floor.. he picked up these bits and hurriedly put them into his mouth and then scurried off again.. probably to find somewhere warm. it was freezing, i tell you.. the wind was blowing really strongly and all.

so anw, back to eating habits. some ppl also have the horrid habit of pacing themselves by you. they take little peeks at your food while you're eating and 'pace' themselves to eat always a bit less than you do. and when you're done, so are they, and there will be a lump of leftover food on their plate. i didn't realise this till a fren brought it up.. then i noticed another fren doing it. lol. it looks a bit ridiculous when you are aware of ppl doing it. anw i'm glad i don't have to experience tt for quite a while le.

blah. how did i get to talking abt eating habits? i ms be really bored.. mebbe shld get changed n get my ass to koolwerkz. aiii... long day ahead. :(

Google

2007-01-09T18:51:00.000+08:00

i didn't go to school today.
i don't feel that much better than ytd.. just slightly.
but i seem to be feeling more faint than ytd.

dreading tmr.. i have to sit for csas test tmr. have to do mp tmr. have to go for pdm tutorial tmr. i just want to stay home and rest. i keep having this throbbing headache on the left temple area. my body temperature is still elevated (?!?!) ..

at least i'm coughing much less than before. my throat can finally rest.. it doesn't feel so raw anymore.

ahhh. still dreading tmr.

2007-01-08T21:49:00.000+08:00

How To Handle Stress

1. Jam 19 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa.
3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
4. When someone says "Have a nice day!" tell them you had other plans.
5. Make a list of things that you have already done.
6. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him to nursery school as if nothing was wrong.
7. Leaf through National Geographic and draw clothes on the natives.
8. Go shopping, buy everything, sweat in it, and return it the next day.
9. Pay your electric bill in pennies.
10. Drive to work in reverse.
11. Dance naked in front of your pets.
12. Bill your doctor for time spent in the waiting room.
13. Tattoo "Out To Lunch" on your forehead.
14. Refresh yourself; put your tongue on a cold, steel guardrail.
15. Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal messages.
16. Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it gets back to you.
17. Write a short story using alphabet soup.
18. Stare at people through the lines of a fork and pretend they are in jail.
19. Make up a language and ask people for directions.
20. Retaliate for tax woes by filing your tax forms with Roman numerals.

ahhh. i'm feeling much better after sleeping for most of the day (: yippee. maybe i'll be able to go to sch tmr! :p
Author Unknown

ugh

2007-01-08T06:45:00.000+08:00

been awake since 4am.. sigh..
decided to get out of bed cos i coughed so much i couldn't fall back asleep...

sian.. wonder if i need to submit MC for NAPFA. guess i better. or else TKB or MSY will think i'm lying abt being sick.

ahhh how my head hurts!! :( eff eff eff it.

sick

2007-01-07T19:51:00.000+08:00

fell sick again. no wonder i felt so terrible in school on friday.. headache the whole day. bad in the morning and even worser in the afternoon - so much so i hadda apply my sangbiaoyou in the LT. haha. like granny lidat.

it sucks to be sick.. i was really looking forward to seeing lilin again.. super sian... i could go but i think i'd be a burden there. sian sian sian.

dunno whether to go school tmr also.. feel so shit.. but i know our MP needs saving.. and there's NAPFA tmr.. absolutely sucky. what a dilemma. health or work? actually i dont give a shit abt NAPFA. just worried ppl (like TKB) mite think that i took an MC to escape NAPFA when it's a fact that i'm really really unwell...

....sigh.. anw i think i OD'ed on Difflam + Strepsil + Robitusen. My sore throat is quite gone.. but i'm coughing a lot and my nose is runny! I cant drink soup with my head bent or my mucus might drip inside! :(

ahhhhhhhh. k. i just need to vent. :( so much on my mind. well.. anw.. did pretty badly for PDM. lol. not that it wasnt expected. :p i NEARLY failed. hee. what to doooo. maybe i shouldn't go for PDM lecture. i think that lady got a problem with the way she phrase her words. Next time make it clear which "BULK" you are referring to! hmpFFFF.

...hyak. reeli bad headache....

2007-01-02T20:56:00.000+08:00

Happy new year everyone! (:

Sigghhh. A few more hours is what's left of my holidays. I can't say everyday was well-spent, but I can honestly (and gleefully) say that I enjoyed everyday!

Even food poisoning the past few days couldn't get me down. Hahaha. I had a wonderful time with you especially; thanks for looking after me the way you did. I love you even more with each passing day.

Mmm.. so new year.. new resolutions? *shakes head* nohhh, nuh uh. I think not. Better not make any resolutions! They never get done anyways. :p

TP - Full-time Courses - Academic Calendar

2006-12-17T20:14:00.000+08:00

TP - Full-time Courses - Academic Calendar: Semester 2
Term 3: Mon, 23 Oct 2006 - Fri, 15 Dec 2006
Break: Sat, 16 Dec 2006 - Sun, 31 Dec 2006
Term 4: Mon, 1 Jan 2007 - Fri, 16 Feb 2007
Study Week: Sat, 17 Feb 2007 - Thu, 22 Feb 2007
Semestral Exam: Fri, 23 Feb 2007 - Fri, 9 Mar 2007
Vacation: Sat, 10 Mar 2007 - Sun, 22 Apr 2007
Supplementary Exams/Assessments**: Fri, 16 Mar 2007 - Fri 30 Mar 2007

.....9th March will be my last day of polytechnic life. *Shudders at the though* In all honesty, i am so worried about it.

on a lighter note, the ASc website got a revamp, just like TP Main! it's gorgeous now! XD so proud of it. lol. even tho i didnt design it, and i'm leaving already, but it's so much better than that previous leafy design.

i finally completed my values reflection. wahlao. i didnt know i was capable of 500 words of reflections. (: good girl hazie! lol. so paiseh to think your careperson is going to read all your reflections.. i always think reflections should be personal and private, "issued only by authorised requisition"! (uh oh, too much FSM!) hehehehe. :p

also js attempted to complete the yellow card thing TKB gave us ages ago, where we have to write our subjects n grades and cumulative GPAs. like a DIY report card la. can't even remember all my cGPA. calculated already, but Sem 1.1 like wrong.. the GPA is quite ok but i remember being in the 50-75% range of the cohort.. so ya, i think my GPA for 1.1 is supposed to be lower. lol.

anywayyy. boyfriend, if you read this, i misss youuu! hiaks! cant wait for tmr. kekeke.

:(

2006-12-17T11:13:00.001+08:00

it's raining, really breezy.. wonderful for spending the day lazing in bed.. sigh. pity i've gotta go out.. don't really feel like it.. miss lazing around in bed on rainy mornings.. :( got lazy to do my apel values.. maybe tmr night.. before i go out again..

maybe this maybe that.
maybe maybe maybe.

mehh

2006-12-17T00:48:00.000+08:00

(: had a preeety fun thurs, fri, and sat! (: feel q. accomplished after having fun. kekeke. just did a BEEEEET of my APEL3 values reflection sai. so sleepy, can't continue or i might just nod off here.. maybe continue tmr. it *looks* like there's no rush - tkb can't see our physical copies till school reopens anyway.

waiting for laundry to be done.. (i know, who on earth does laundry so late at night? tsk.)

have u eva typed a lot of things, but after a measly 20 minutes, can barely remember what you typed, and what emotions you felt from typing it? i can't remember a SINGLE thing about what i wrote for apel values. it's crazy. yeps, i shall continue tmr.. before i go out, again. *teehee*

ah

2006-12-12T23:21:00.000+08:00

i'm so fucking sleepy.
my fucking neighbour is listening to techno.
after tossing n turning for what seemed like eternity, i could stand the noise no longer so i went up. up to BLK 913 #04-11 TAMPINES ST 91.

i rang their doorbell, and instead of the moron answering the doll, his PATHETIC EXCUSE of a MOTHER answered it. i asked her politely if someone was listening to music. she sticks her head back in and smiles apologetically, and i tell her that the music is very loud and i'm trying to get to sleep. she says, "sorry, sorry".. in that whiny voice of hers. "sorry sorry" again. i turn and leave without the usual courtesy smile i will give. back here in my room, the noise levels are only slightly lower. which really irritates me. the bitch has no control over the moron.

this is the 3rd time. the third time this pitiful excuse for a mother has apologized on behalf of the moron. the next time i have to go up, i'm going to politely REQUEST the moron come out so i can have a good chat with him, see if he is deaf and needs hearing aids, or else why would he need to listen to music so loudly until ground floor inside bedroom also can hear.

5th time i have to do that, i will call the police post. i took down the number.
Tampines Neighbourhood Police Centre: 1800-587 1999
i already checked with them. any unreasonably loud noise levels after 10pm can be reported. (: #04-11, you are going to get it from me.

i am soooo tempted to play pranks on them. nasty kind. nastier the kind i have done - we last put lotsa glue on the teachers chair in sec 1. hahaha. :p

believe it or not, i checked wholivesnearyou.com. there are but few people living in my block who have signed up for it. 80% are guys/boys. they all look like dickheads. so moron could be anyone of them, and since i aint willing to pay $4 for subscription, i shall stick to climbing to 4th floor, and reporting to neighbourhood police.

2006-12-12T18:39:00.000+08:00

i'm writing again.

got bored, blog/lj-surfed.

why am i so different? hmm.
i'm not interested in brands. i don't own a LV. don't even have Guess. i don't buy from MAC. the most expensive thing i have now is probably my perfume/wallet/bag -- all of which i did not pay a cent for.

i don't club. i don't dine at expensive restaurants (wait, i do, but not regularly).

i don't shop online. i don't shop at topshop, warehouse, dp, or wherever the latest trends are sold -- see, i don't even keep up.

i don't go running back to the hairdresser's when my roots start to grow out. i've stopped highlighting my hair because it will pull on my purse strings. i've never done a pedicure. i've only had a manicure twice - no french, too ex.

i've never had a brazilian waxing. never even tried leg waxing. don't go for eyebrow tweezing anymore - i do threading; it's cheaper.

i seem to be the last one to learn driving. funny, i have the books but i aint got the lessons. :(

does it read like i'm lagging behind? why am i different? am i normal? or are those abnormal people? are abnormal people the ones who write openly about their lives, because they have something to write about, something entertaining to other 'normal' people like me.

i like myself. generally. well, not really. i like myself SOMETIMES. things like those i mentioned above don't seem to matter.. not until you think about them.

am i missing out on fun? the thrill of spending crazily, the excitment of knowing the world, having my daily planner filled, my tummy full of expensive food, my body decked in extravagantly priced items?

sigh. my exhibitionist streak has died. i think it died when i started poly. i think this course i'm studying has drained me of all creativity, of my zest for life. i think i am being too sensible, too practical, too realistic. i should go crazy, be idealistic, not realistic, have fun, see the world. ........or should i not? (see? sigh.)

i think my relationship's draining me too. i smile, but not as often as i used to. perhaps the insecurity regarding our future is getting to me. i'm trying to hold on but it's so hard; i have nothing else to run to if i let go of this anyways.

i think my diploma's a dead end - there is no way i can do food science in uni. funny, now that uni seems like a reality.. i dunno what i wanna do. results are not everything, they just give you a headstart..

so much to think about. i've closed so many doors to leave just one door open; stayed in a room without much happiness. i want the house, i want a mansion, i want to see the garden in full bloom.

+++ this emptied heart.

2006-12-12T17:34:00.000+08:00

falalala.
termtest will be officially over (for me) tmr! KEKEKEKE.

anw, i was watching teevee js noww..
..aii. how interesting it wld be to be a nutritionist, no?
but i think i'm not destined for that path.. i'm too lazy. i remember slogging for NLS..and BNF.. all i got were.. well, not so shitty marks, but still i didnt think future sloggings thru (FOREIGN) unis are wat i wanna do.. wad do i wanna beeee? where do i wanna go? dunno. aiyah, wherever i wanna go, this person surely wanna go too.

i just wanna be somewhere good and make new nice friends! and have fun together!
ok siaos. i sound like some socially-starved person.
ok wait. i am socially-starved.
i've been trapped at home these two days! :(

aii, anyways. FSM paper was ok lei! *thumbs up*
i'm so stupid la, i tell u. i thought paper ends at 3pm.. so i rush rush rush.. in the end i squint and see the board say what, 3:12pm. lol. 12 minutes makes a lot of difference ok! esp when ur paper is only 1 hour..

point is, i managed to finish! every question! ..only dunno right or wrong. (:

next thing.
have u ever felt like your every move is being STUDIED?
like whatever u do, it will be studied and applied?
do u understand what i'm saying?
i can't think of a way to put it.
i feel like an animal in the zoo.

yes, I FEEL LIKE AN ANIMAL IN THE ZOO.

i fucking hate being an exhibit. those poor chimpanzees.

fsm

2006-12-12T11:39:00.000+08:00

okey, next paper in ~2.5 hours. (: the hot dry weather is making me sooo sleepy n lethargic.i cant wait to get the paper done n over with la. at this time tomorrow, i'll be sitting in LT5, doing CSAS, knowing that the last lap for this term is overrr! yippee! but i have not even taken a look at csas. hahahha. :P i cant stop listening to music lei. :( i am having the weirdest cravings now.. i just listened to dance, dance like.. nearly 10 times. and then to honest mistake for like.. 3 - 4 times. and there's this fly that keeps buzzing around my room. idiot! i think it cant find the (very obvious) window to escape from.. aii. i should start revising fsm, yes? dont wanna fail js cos i'm excited n looking forward to it ending.

ps. omg EW! IT'S A BLACK FRUIT FLY! yuckyuck.

lalala

2006-12-11T14:42:00.000+08:00

meowww.
i just took quite a looonng nap; somehow i am not feeling refreshed.
i think it's the rain.. one moment it was all dark and comfy, and the next moment, scorching and bright. :( so hottt!

anw PDM paper was damn jialat.
tp's revision of term test times to 1hr totally sucks la.
not enough time to do the paper.. no time to sit back and ponder on things.. dunno means dunno. dunno means u probably will never know (for the duration of the paper at least) and probably have no time to crap out something u know makes sense!

anyways. (: i feel slightly cheated la. the paper was reeeli application-based. but the application didn't really require studying. i think i could have sat for it without studying and still give the same rubbish answers i scribbled just now. blardy hell.

BUANG!

yummm

2006-12-10T21:12:00.000+08:00

ahhh. 12 hours to term test! hehehe. (:

i'm eating cheezels!!
my aunt bought them -- i think from candy empire (i think shes an addict)
they're made in UK.. they taste.. GLORIOUSSS!
so different from sg one (cheapo la, those made in malaysia. eww)

anw anw i'm so high on cheese i reeli feel like i'm floating on crispy, round, orange thingssss. XD XD cheeeezellls!

gawd! havent eaten such nice cheezels since i was a tot!

XD XD .. oh ya, pdm. mm. *shrugs* everything is a mess la, the notes and all. i think fsm is gonna be worse.. hope i can wake up in time tmr.. i am always late for 8/9am things. :p

(:

2006-12-06T22:07:00.000+08:00

just finished that FSM assignment on definitions.. so boring!! make me so sleepy.. *yawnnn* i know term test is coming, and i really should start revising.. but i feel so lethargic.. i just want to lie on my bed and (like what eunice wld say) "manifest" (altho i reeli think it's the wrong word to use)

aiii. guess i'll go beddy-bed in a while. PDM lab tmr.. always drains me to the core, even tho half the time i dunno what is going on, or what i am doing. hahaha.. thats cos i have this super genius girl in my group.. so every week i get to be her 'elf'-ling. whatever you say, i do. yes, ma'am. as you wish ma'am. your wish is my command, ma'am. always at your service, ma'am.

sighhh.
my only consolation now, rgding pdm, is the interview. somehow i did quite well, by chance i think, considering that i reeli do think i got one of the toughest questions.. (as usual, i never have any luck with interviews. i have the tendency to pick papers containing the hardest questions). i just hope my lab instructor/tutorial teacher can't tell that i haven't been doing that much work.. (well i tried, i did, it just didn't work out).

aii. procrastinatorrrr. jeeez, can barely open my eyes. gotta go catch 40,000 winks.

...can't wait for this weekend.. can finally see you again.. XD wanna be happy and go pigging! (: <3 <3

whee

2006-12-05T21:53:00.000+08:00

i feel like the luckiest girl on earth right now.
the last time i felt this way was a few weeks ago, after reading the email.

my heart's all thumpity thumpity. XD
and i'm actually smiling. XD

thank you god for looking after me the way you have! (:

yumm

2006-12-04T20:33:00.000+08:00

..been surfing food blogs to get my mood upped. XD

and now my fingers are soo itching to whip up a dish! realised how i've "abandoned" pleasing my laogong. hee. it's been AGES since i've last cooked him a proper meal.. and seen/heard him burp and lean back, all smiley and satisfied.

i promise i'm gonna whip up a storm when i have the time.
meanwhile, he'll just have to be satisfied with hawker fare... XD

loveluvloveluvlove uuuuuu.

hai

2006-11-30T18:11:00.000+08:00

have u ever looked away and felt someone looking at you?
have u ever said something and have someone say the same thing moments later?
have u ever done something in your own way only to have it imitated a few moments later?

....so suffocated. cramped up.

i hate it.. hate everything being the same..

fish.

2006-11-19T18:15:00.000+08:00

i've been snoozing.. mm, pretty much the whole day. lol. XD
feel so good now! ((:

form c is still semi-incomplete..
our meat dish (likely fish) is undecided also..
gonna try cooking one last time later, before handing up the form..

dessert is decided.. but somehow mine just dont taste like the commercial one..
so sian so sian. perhaps i am setting too high a standard for my kueh.
haha! ((:

now i've to wait.. cos my darling grandpapa is cooking up a storm in the kitchen! a BEE HOON tornado. ((stops to think.. mm..))

anwww.. kinda need to go to e supermarket but i'm lazy.. even tho it's only a 5min walk from my place. haha..

Madonna | The Power Of Good-bye lyrics

2006-11-18T19:37:00.000+08:00

Your heart is not open so I must go
The spell has been broken, I loved you so
Freedom comes when you learn to let go
Creation comes when you learn to say no

You were my lesson I had to learn
I was your fortress you had to burn
Pain is a warning that somethings wrong
I pray to God that it wont be long
Do ya wanna go higher?

Theres nothing left to try
Theres no place left to hide
Theres no greater power
Than the power of good-bye

Your heart is not open so I must go
The spell has been broken, I loved you so
You were my lesson I had to learn
I was your fortress

Theres nothing left to lose
Theres no more heart to bruise
Theres no greater power
Than the power of good-bye

Learn to say good-bye
I yearn to say good-bye

-- Madonna, "The Power of Goodbye"

2006-11-16T22:51:00.000+08:00

why the hell am i an FSM manager?
i don't even have the qualities lar.
i'm so tired now..
havent gotten a chance to study for FSM quiz tmr..
pek chek man.

form c is killing me.
how many chilies can i get for like, 100g anyways?!
argh.. i have a feeling i'm gonna have to go supermarket tmr, after PDM lec and before my FSM consultation...

so pek chekkkkk.
i guess i have no one to blame but myself.
if i had just carried out the supermarket task myself, i'd have asked the aunty to weigh for me so i know..

sigh...
I HATE FORM Cs!!!

2006-11-07T21:11:00.000+08:00

only 2/6 is confirmed..and 1 is not quite perfect.
this is quite jialat.
3 is on the way to being perfected.
4 has not been tried out.
5 and 6 are undecided.

MUMMY!~ :(

anw. what's the big deal abt looking like an angmoh/eurasian/mixed blood?
it's not as if being semi-white/pink means being more elite than fellow homo sapiens. it does not mean you will be prettier, or more attractive, or brainier.
you will arouse curiosity, yes... but other than that.. *shakes head*
i wish people would stop making a big deal out of it.

and. i feel v happy around you nowadays. you make me feel like i don't have to worry about being myself. it's like.. you never do judge me.. or when you do, at least i don't see it. we laugh and we have a good time. that's the kind of friend i like. that's the kind of friend i wish to keep for life. we're not close.. not best-friend close (thank god, i could never have one best friend).. but i'm happy with the way things are and hope things stay this way.

andd. i'm impressed with my csas group. really. i have not had such good project mates in ages. (: if any of you precious people see this, i <3 you guys man. serious.

anddd. pdm. pdm pdm pdm. i feel like a feather. just floating where the wind brings me. no direction, no purpose. i know what i need to do, but i dunno if i will be allowed to do it without stepping on other people's toes. god, guide me.

oh, MP. ...*shrugs* ain't gonna waste my energy talking abt my DUMB project.

aii. youuu will be coming back tomorrow. (: you dunno how relieved that makes me feel. three days without you is nearly pure torture.. those leeeetle expensive smses you send.. haiiiii. they're what keeps me surviving. <3 u.

asasasads

2006-11-05T22:24:00.000+08:00

pissed x2.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. :(

10:17pm.

jhgjgh

2006-11-05T21:32:00.000+08:00

i'm so upset now.
really.
tried something that didn't work. sourced for something i couldn't find.
arghh. pissed.
and why are you behaving so unreasonably now.
everything's stupid.
even this immense headache, which i've been trying to ignore (since i'm used to it already - had it since friday morning), is making me more irritated.

efffff it lar. stupid.

meow

2006-11-04T16:01:00.000+08:00

"MEOW!"

....."AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" *runs*

buah salak

2006-11-03T21:23:00.000+08:00

bloody hell.. i've an immense craving for buah salak (snakefruit? snakeskin fruit? dunno english name...)

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

FSM

2006-11-03T20:44:00.000+08:00

FSM...FSM... :( i'm so sick n tired of it already..
don't wish to be the manager..
..want so much to be a cook, or an assistant manager..
i cant manage people for nuts..
..sigh..
damn disappointed lar.......
...dont even have a theme yet...
..not good at such things..
....no interest also... sians.......
arrrgggghhhhhhhhh.
want to tell karen chan to transfer managerial duties to cihui or huijun or smthn... kinda worried she'll think i'm crazy.. or troublesome.. or both... arghh...

haii. only got youu to cheer me up.
miss u unbelievably much..
..we make a great team/pair/duo/couple/etc, no?

2006-10-31T22:04:00.002+08:00

mahmeemoomehmoh.

MAHMEEMOOMEHMOH!

2006-10-31T22:04:00.001+08:00

mahmeemoomehmoh.

MAHMEEMOOMEHMOH!

2006-10-31T22:04:00.000+08:00

mahmeemoomehmoh.

MAHMEEMOOMEHMOH!

gfdggfd

2006-10-29T23:39:00.000+08:00

rant, i need to rant today.
but if i'm gonna rant full fledge, i'm gonna break someone's poor little fragile heart.

so annoying when you wanna tell people to just be themselves..
but you can't. because they, being themselves, would be the most annoying thing on earth you'd have to endure.

it's horrid when people tell u, "oh, you know, i've this fren, so and so, so flirty, always give guys the wrong idea, so bad to lead a guy on, guy already got girlfriend, etc etc" and you really reeeaaallllyyyy want to tell them, "what have you got to complain abt? aren't you doing the same thing as your friend?" but you can't, or they'll get mad at you for being sooo brutally honest, when you're supposed to be their fren, and everything's supposed to be fine and dandy. *sigh*

speaking of fine and dandy.. that's something i've nt been lately. i think there's something wrong with me, physiologically. my body "cycles" are not right. nobody's supposed to menstruate for 3 and a half weeks. and then get it again a week and a half later. sharlene said i must've released two eggs. darn, i missed the chance to have twins. ((fyi my dream, if i have kids, is to have two. two boys, or a boy and a girl, pref unidentical! haaa. fussy me.))

thinking of going to the Ma Kuang TCM thing.
waiting this one out for a week before i take action.

hari raya

2006-10-24T18:54:00.000+08:00

i just glanced out of my window.. guess what i saw?
a regular van pulls into a parking lot, its rear door slightly ajar, providing ventilation for hidden back passengers..

the front doors opens, and three young malay men climb off. one goes to the rear door, opens it ever so slowly, and TA-DAH! There we have, a van-load full of young children!

o_O shocking. it's like a travelling nursery. or a mobile orphanage. or..or.. a moving pediatric department from nearby CGH. or maybe they are baby movers. the next newest thing you need to hire when you're moving into a new house. eek. i am so lame. that was so cold.

anyways, i'm just tryna say that i'm shocked. out of all the little kiddies (i swear there's 8-10 of em inside, mostly boys) there were only 2 young females. are those their kids?! how do they afford it?! how can they stand to have so many? how do you control kids when you have more than 1?!?

then i realised, they don't control their kids.. three start to run around, oblivious to the shouting "eh don't run so far ah".. the youngest breaks into tears, and another one follows.. the others just take their time getting off, pushing each other a little, shoving their way off the van.

tsk tsk. suddenly all the admiration just disappears. poof. gone.

i turn away from the window; the last memories i take in are of the women, standing around, arranging their hair, their dress, while the kids scatter themselves.

blah

2006-10-23T20:55:00.001+08:00

preeetty hectic day- and i still found the energy and enthusiasm to bake bread when i got home..

this is the first time i'm actually 95% pleased with the result. (: nothing like a commercial bread though.. not that airy. not exactly very dense also.. my mom loves the crust. my aunt loves the inner 'flesh'. great combo. haha. my granddad, with his eye bandage (just went for eye op), managed to enjoy his dinner of a ham sandwich made with my bread (even tho, accding to my mom, he has to eat 'sick' food lk umm.. porridge.)! XD

blah

2006-10-23T20:55:00.000+08:00

timetable

2006-10-19T13:56:00.000+08:00

timetable is out!

..again i'm isolated. :(
PDM, CSAS all TA03.
FSM in TA01...

aiiii.

cheescake delight

2006-10-18T23:13:00.000+08:00

(: just made my very first cheesecake - apple cheesecake with nutty caramel topping! (:

a few bloopers.
i didn't have canned applesauce; the 3 nearest supermarkets didn't carry it, hence i made my own. i should've processed it into puree texture in the food processor.. but i had no idea where the food processor was hiding.

next, a didn't have ginger snaps, so i used digestives. khong guan. cheapest brand. mm, i think i would've preferred ginger snaps.

i didn't have muffin cups either. only had the shortie shortie cupcake cups. =/ so yeah, the layer of cheese is pathetic, the biscuit base is even more pathetic.

and.. the topping.. that nutty caramel thing.. well, i din got no nuts man. nor dates. nor glace cherries. nor walnuts. basically i didnt have anything they needed. lol. so i just used the laoyapok fruit mix.. and rice crispies. ahahaha. XP

anw what does it matter.. the cupcakes sooo small they are better off without any topping. overpowering topping.

and because my 'applesauce' wasnt smooth enough.. the cheesecake texture is not smooth enough. and i felt the cheesecake was tooo baked.. =/ maybe i am just biased. i prefer cold-set kinda cheesecake. *shrugs*

flavour-wise.. mm.. let's see what the girls say tmr la. i myself think it's not fantastic.

*shrugs* pretty ok for a first attempt i guess. at least i know my mistakes.

...............disappointed!

old fart

2006-10-17T22:59:00.000+08:00

I AM TWENTY.

I AM AN OLD FART!

seriously. being twenty is like, ugh.
gone are the days when i can tell people i am somthing-TEEN.
thirrrTEEN, foouurrrTEEN, feeefffTEEN, sixxTEEN, sevuhnTEEN, eeiighhtTEEN, naiiihnTEEN.

i feel old. :( like i haven't done anything spectacular in my two decades of life.

but as always, i'm glad i've had good friends with whom i've shared many good times with, a nice family, and a wonderful boyfriend who's been with me for more than half a decade, through up and downs, thick and thin, good and bad.

thanks to everyone who bothered to wish XD i'm sorry i missed wishing some of you guys.. honestly, i can't rmb birthdays or numbers. =/ it's time i kept a birthday list!
((someone buy me a bday list book for my bday pressie, yea?))

and to those who forgot to wish meee.. HAII. it's okey, i still love you guys. (:

well. soon i have to change my blogger profile. i am no longer nineTEEN.

meanwhile, i need to take a bath, get some rest.
of late i have been feeling easily exhausted, slightly under the weather, and headachey.
take care all, we'll catch up soon.
'nights to the good world!

something's wrong wimme

2006-10-13T01:14:00.001+08:00

..i think i'm taking this too hard.
i can't sleep and i feel like throwing up..

wasswrongwimme?

something's wrong wimme

2006-10-13T01:14:00.000+08:00

..i think i'm taking this too hard.
i can't sleep and i feel like throwing up..

wasswrongwimme?

can't breathe

2006-10-13T00:52:00.000+08:00

i can't sleep.
i can't breathe when i think of all that's been going on.

i can't breathe when i think of you.
i can't breathe.
i can't breathe.
i can't breathe.

i don't even know you.

affected

2006-10-12T23:44:00.000+08:00

..i still feel affected. perhaps i am not over the initial shock. i hope my heart calms down asap.. i feel stoned and unable to function normally. i don't even know him. why am i so affected?

i hope his friends are okay. it must feel so saddening to lose someone close, someone who had been a source of joy, laughter, and comfort.. someone you shared good and bad times with, someone you had fun with, and also got punished with..

.. i hope his family members are doing well too.. it's hard losing someone who has been part of your daily life for 19 years. i'll admit i don't understand fully their intentions, and am dubious.. but as an outsider, who am i to judge? i cannot allow myself to pass comments when i don't understand the situation.

i hope those who were close to him don't bear it against themselves - i believe i'd feel guilty if i had known him.. guilty that i wasnt a good enough friend, that i could have somehow done something to prevent or minimize what had happened.. but i believe it isn't anyone's fault.. i guess when someone is called, he has to go, whether or not preventive measures were taken..

..most of all, i hope he is in some better place, where there are no such things as dizziness, spasms, pain, and depression..

World's Last Chance

2006-10-11T21:43:00.000+08:00

came across something worth more than a few seconds' glance. i wonder if this is true..
owells. we have to take everything with a pinch of salt, no? i always believe tt there is an element of doubt in everything.

World's Last Chance

Not Always On: The Barney Song

2006-10-11T19:54:00.000+08:00

OMG. check this out. this girl sings this song so unbelievably cutesy-cutesy style and my tummy churns for the next 10 minutes.

Not Always On: The Barney Song

.

2006-10-10T19:52:00.000+08:00

quik post.

if you don't have it, don't flaunt it - no one wants to see it.

old treasures

2006-10-04T21:12:00.000+08:00

i read a book that recommended me to clean out "corners". i know my cupboard isn't a "corner", but it has old "treasures" in it.. guess what i found??

A) old neoprints of myself and friends
B) a HILARIOUS picture of wansi. i would LOVEEE to post it here, but she'd kill me. it's so disgusting can, lol, we looked like shit.
C) a photo of phoebe (where did that come from!?!?) looking like a real boy (don't kill me for saying that please.)
D) a neoprint of Ong-Ma ..smiling alone. so funny. i miss her.
E) a neoprint of Razhu and her friends, whom i dunno at all
F) another neoprint of Razhu, this time with juniors, whom i also dunno at all
G) neoprints of beewee and me.. which i dunno why i keep; maybe i keep it for memory's sake, to remind myself of my 'childhood'
H) a neoprint of... LYDIA & JIAYING! WTF?!?! hello?!?! dia why u gimme a couple neoprint?!?! omg i cant believe i accepted it! lol.. so weirrrrddd.
I) a neoprint of grace & myself -- reminds me of how much she's changed, how we used to have fun, how i eventually felt betrayed in our friendship by the little selfish things she did.. i hope she isn't like this anymore.. but from what i've heard.. *shakes head sadly*
J) a neoprint of wansi and... SHEENA! i can't believe this is my 1st exposure to sheena, but didnt realise. no wonder sheena always look so familiar to me. kaichen, your cousin damn popular hor?
K) a primary 5/6 neoprint of myself and gwen. lol. i look so ahma. ahahaha. wonder where gwen is now.
L) a neoprint of wansi with her hair pinned up... never seen her so.. cutey cutey.
M) a neoprint of myself and wansi. in which i was.. mm.. sec 3. and i looked strangely a LOT like my bf when he was that age.....

isit weird to look like my bf? i mean, i dun look boyish, and he didnt look girlish.. we just looked like each other. this book ive been reading, "why men never remember and women never forget" says tt we tend to look for partners who look a lot like us.. because weve been looking at ourselves in the mirror for ages that we tend to look accept our looks as 'normal'.. hence picking someone 'normal'.. but we fell for each other even before meeting each other! XD maybe the looks just made everything more acceptable. no wonder tt i never stayed w beewee or ben. XD

hahaha.

update: i found neoprints of me and SHUYI! XD so funny, when i think of us talking about our dreams of being air stewardesses! so dumb. and a lot with suat ling! i miss her.. she's probbly off modelling somewhere.. and i found some with ANQI! lol. i miss her voice...

there's a few with cheryl wong, fiona lim, and cassie phua. lol. i had a problem smiling back then. so screwed up. look so constipated.. mmm..

OOH! found some with different hairstyles! i rmb i took those at bugis! it was all the craze in japan! take a pic, select diff hairstyles! XD love those. more with shuyi when we were p6.. no more sec sch ones with her.. funny.. lots with gwen.. or is that denise.. shit.. twins so hard to tell apart.... some with lynn! so weird!

have one of peggy with raychi. strange. o_O

and a group shot with so many.. ong ma, cheryl, fiona, bay siew wee, ruyi (is tt her name? forgot).. and some others who look familiar but i forgot their names. =X

omg. i have 3 of raychi's neoprints. WT... oh no, i have 4. =/

ahhh! i have one of razhu with her mom! lol lol lol!

i have veronica's neoprint (i dun even noe her well..) kaichen's, corrine's, serene's.... oh! michelle tan! XD i dunno where i've put the puppy toy she gave me.. but she sure has weird tastes in crushes.

*gasp* i have one of mich with her mom. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... hahahahah! and one of her alone.. with hand written boxy words.. "stay cool & funky!!!" .... *faint*

i even have one of nana. i miss nana. wonder how she is..

some with ah yang in it.. ah yang with xueli (!!! xueli !!! omg.) oh! i even hv one of sarah! with cassie! before sarah lost A LOT of weight. rarah's so gorgeous now.

.. the last one's of yang, a girl whose name i forgot.. selina i think.. beewee, and fio... with the words "the bowling team". pardon me but i cant help laughing. omg. XD so kiddy orh?

..ahh this reminiscing had tired me out.
*yawn*